help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
