At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
