you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
