wanna go halves on a baby?
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
we're making bets on your personal life
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
