I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
