my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
