Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
