My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I think people are normalizing furries
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
