Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
