just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
