Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
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