All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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