Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
