Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
