You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
