Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
