You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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