Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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