well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
