yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
