evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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