I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
we're making bets on your personal life
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
