i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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