Ambien. No doubt about it.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Someone shattered a urinal.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Randomize
