all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
