she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
