You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
