I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
