First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
