Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
