I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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