put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
