He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
