I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
