have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
