i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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