Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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