Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
