Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
