I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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