First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
it's not cheating when I paid for it
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
How external is "for external use only"?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
