I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
