I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
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