why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
high people should be assigned attendants
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
