I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
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