I wanna bring you to show and tell
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
