I just saw a hot homeless man
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
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