Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
