never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
What drink are we having for lunch?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
