It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
