As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
